1. |
Jeremy
03:47
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Not sleeping in the night, not well in the day. Hoping things get better when we go away.
I’m so angry, I’m gonna get a tattoo that says fuck Jeremy Clarkson and fuck you too. While you’re sitting there living out your last years, you’ll wonder why you gave into right winged fears.
If you call me and it doesn’t ring, maybe I forgot to put my sim in or maybe I think it’s weird; five kids with four different women. Of those five, I’m the only child you chose to keep hidden. Am I the product of a dalliance you thought was so forbidden?
When I learnt to drive, I thought I’d be just like my mum. Before I could write down words, she’d type up my nonsense.
If I read enough books I could be smart like my sister, or if I was more confident like my brother - a resistor.
But there’s nothing I could do that would remind me of you, ‘cause presents won’t do when there’s presence past due.
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2. |
Picture of Health
03:34
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Seven days of fucked up dreams but did I ever fall asleep? No-one ever waits for me, I’m the one forgotten sheep. I think I’m mostly sleepwalking, or I’m at least presumed to be. I’m always trying to count to ten but I’m always stuck at three.
Do you read, does it help you to breath when you’re trying to sleep well? But nothing’s going well.
I’ve been having a hard time looking after myself. You’re not looking exactly like a picture of health. I was thinking maybe you could look after me and I could do the same for you. Just for a while ‘till we’re back on our feet.
Seven days can make you think that good friends are an illusion. I think they think I think too much, but good sense is in confusion. I try not to think about what I’ve done to my liver, to my lungs. Lying on my bedroom floor, low mood, highly strung.
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3. |
High
03:47
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I just wanna feel real but high’s just not how I really feel. I wish I could put some money back ‘cause at night I’m having a heart attack.
Medical essentials; make us pay what we can’t afford. Sell us off, sell it all;
we’re used to it, we’ve never had your support. We’ll play the game, we know who to blame, it’s those pesky refugees and lazy claiming families.
It was light when I went to bed. I could’ve died from all that I said that night.
What can’t be undone, often lingers. It can make you numb in the tips of your fingers.
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4. |
Clinic
03:24
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I called the clinic and they said it was a three-week wait, ‘But the doctor’ll give you something just to get you through the day.’
I’m scared, I’ve never felt like this before. The only way I can stop from crying it to take deep breaths and sit on the floor.
I woke early this morning coz my appointment was today. She asked me what I’ve been up to and if everything’s okay. I said ‘Frustration passes through me the way that wind shakes trees.’
When the panic set in, it was all I knew. The sadness washed my skin and
shaking grew.
She asked me to go home, unclench my fists, think of everything that’s stressful and start a list.
I thought, ‘Yeah, if I could actually see my life, maybe I could compartmentalise the dark and the light.’
I woke up early that Tuesday as I did then every week and the more times that I did that, the less I felt like a freak. But I got added to fixed list even though I struggle still.
I used to have friends. I used to know why I felt sad, if I ever did, but now I feel that all the time.
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5. |
Falling Down
03:33
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Falling down can be a rough start. Go to bed, go to bed, wake up smart, wake up smart. Some time on, and I’m happy now. Listen how I’m happy now…
Nights spent out, a one way tide; the days crumbled to dust. I lost again but I know I tried.
Adjust, adjust, adjust. Retrust, retrust, retrust.
I’m a little bit bored by how little I know. I felt reassured for a while at the show, but I don’t wanna be polite to bigoted guys so I’m gonna stop smiling (when it doesn’t feel like the right thing).
Falling down can be a rough start. Go to bed, go to bed, wake up smart, wake up smart. Some time on, and I’m older now. I listened to the ones that know how and I’m older now.
I wasted summers then, so I’ve been here before. A waster round the bend, leaves you wanting more.
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6. |
Isn't Life Funny
03:03
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I’m not one to question myself, you made me do just that. Tongue-tied at the confide. What should I blame on the loss of mind? I’m not gonna react. I’ll never react.
You remind me to live responsibly. Isn’t that funny? Isn’t that funny? Isn’t life so funny?
I threw up on you, you deserved it. You said, ‘Thank you, I’m not worth it.’
I said, ‘Come and talk to me when things get heavy.’ and you said you’re sorry.
You kept on saying sorry.
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7. |
Bubble Bath
03:53
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I feel like a child with shampoo in my eyes, yeah, sometimes I do. Bubble bath tears, a tub full of fears. Still fill it too high after all these years.
Happiness went away like a passing parade, everybody stared and smiled.
Breathless to feel restless like I did in the old days; now isn’t the now I had in mind.
I was so young to feel so low and I was never scared of secondhand smoke. I remember saying that I’m gonna give up eating animals.
I was once good at problem solving, most of the time the solution: dissolving.
Sucked down the drain with the silt and the slime. Bubbles or not, it’s too hot every time.
Happiness went away like the seventh of may, colour drained out of the sky.
Breathless to feel restless like I did in the old days; now isn’t the now I had in mind.
I was so young to feel so low and I was never scared of secondhand smoke. I remember saying that I’m gonna give up eating animals. I was underwealmed by
the way things go. I bit my nails; too much time alone. I remember saying that I’m gonna give up eating animals.
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8. |
Fig Tree
03:19
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Shooting my mouth off again. Why am I out again? Feeling so poor ‘cause I spent all my money on trying to make sure that the sober feeling’s gone.
He was one of those blokes who would laugh at sexist jokes. He liked a pint of imported lager but didn’t like anyone with an imported father. I was shooting my mouth off again. Why am I out again?
Lay me down by the green fig tree. Nothing’s enough so you won’t remember me.
He was one of those blokes who couldn’t keep his hands to himself. I could feel my stomach turning as he told me about his monthly earnings. I was shooting my mouth off again. Why am I out again? Nine nights out of ten!
I saw my life branching out before me, like the green fig tree in the story. At the tip of every branch like a piece of fruit, was a future I should choose.
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9. |
Locked Up
01:44
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Debit cards and overdrafts.
Valentines day and push-up bras.
Under pressure, glamourise self-harm.
Mass consumption from the factory farms.
Wedding rings and mothers in law.
T.V. adverts promoting war.
Victim blaming.
Slut shaming.
Fear inflating lies of mass invasion!
We’ve got the cell and we’ve got the key. Everyone’s locked up so get locked up
with me.
When I was a kid, I used to play in the fountain. Now you’re not cool if you’re not
calorie counting. Anyway you feel, there’s a pill to fight that but be careful ‘cause it costs each time you come back.
Are you sure you’re okay? You seem so tired and down. You need a holiday! To forget this town!
ATOL-protected, jab-injected. Family arguments to be expected.
Over-too-soon, you danced under the moon (could’ve done that at home but you’re never in the mood).
Back to normal and life continues… I can’t be the only one to see the ghost in the room!
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10. |
In Between Bands
03:23
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If the powers that be, or machinery, allow me one last memory (for all the things I hate in this world, there was always somewhere to be)…
I’d choose when I was eighteen and in between bands I’d play Sleater-Kinney. Or when I felt so tired but so full of sympathy for the uninspired.
I haven’t been down to see it, but I’ve heard it’s bad. I can barely fucking believe it. Gone is everything I ever had.
When my brain gives in (which it will, oh I know it will) and I survive artificially with such small capacity. If the powers that be, or machinery, allow me one last memory (for all the things I hate in this world, there was always somewhere to be)…
I’d choose that bit of quiet in between after and before doors. Or any time when I’d get home from being away on tour.
Take me back to before that smell. Before buried hope and a burnt out shell.
Before the rubble and the ‘time will tell’.
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11. |
Laugh Again
02:46
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I’d like to reassure, what else are friends for? You might’ve felt destined to
withdraw, but that’s not what I saw.
I wish I could see it from the other side. Is it a struggle just to stay alive? Maybe
I could come over. We could drink all night, or not if you wanna stay sober.
You’ve been so sad for so long and I wanna see you laughing again my friend.
I’ll make up for when I let you down, when I can afford a night in town. We
would have the best night ‘cause none of us can bare the light.
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12. |
Hangovers
02:36
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I hate the hangover but what can I do? I used to fall asleep thinking of you. What have I got myself into? Working all summer and the rent’s overdue.
What have I got myself into?
If I were to write this down, what I’m thinking about you now, well I wouldn’t know how to show you. We were friends, at least. Oh, we were, weren’t we? My friend, please don’t leave me like this.
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13. |
Family of Four
03:36
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I could read my weight in sociological or historical postulates and they wouldn’t care at all. Maybe my mistake was in expecting dignity; thinking that the welfare state would support someone like me.
They said it’s all they can afford and I can’t argue, I missed my chance to. But I’ve got a family of four and no other means to go out and buy food.
I know enough to know when someone’s looking down on me. Brainwashed by the Tories are the staff at the DWP.
Oh well. I grew up powerless and I’ll die just the same. I’ll go from the afternoon to the nightshift all for someone else’s gain. Bottom rung is where I’ll stay.
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Muncie Girls Exeter, UK
Muncie Girls were a punk rock band from Exeter, UK. 2010 - 2023
www.munciegirls.co.uk
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